My Story

sarah mayer • November 3, 2021

Breastfeeding

Photo was taken 1 week PP

As a first-time mother, I became fascinated with breastfeeding right off the bat. I wanted nothing more than to feel that special connection, that “golden hour”. Being adopted, a small part of me feels like I missed out on that bond and I wanted to experience it with my son. I know that sounds incredibly silly, but something inside of me just burned for that connection.

Like any paranoid first-time parent, I took multiple classes and read every single book I could get my hands on. The main books on repeat were The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and What to Expect When Expecting, which I highly recommend to every new parent. After months of reading and attending many “COVID friendly” virtual courses with various Lactation Consultants, I set my goal to complete 1 year of exclusively breastfeeding.

Jackson was born on October 7, 2020 at 11:46 am. I wasn’t able to have my “golden hour” due to complications during delivery, but I was able to start off exclusively nursing. Jackson “seemed” to take to nursing very well in the beginning. It felt easy at the start.

For many women, it can take 3-5 days before milk comes in,

supplementing with formula to start is very common.

Please don’t stress if it takes a little longer for your milk supply to come in.

Our main nursing position was side lying, since I couldn’t sit for 6 weeks. Although even if I could sit, I would have preferred side lying because of the sweet baby snuggles.

Link for list of breastfeeding positions

For the first two weeks of Jackson’s life things seemed to go pretty normal. His latch was decent, although he would occasionally fuss or fall off. By his 2-week newborn check-up he had already gained over a pound more than his birth weight. I thought we were in the “clear”, although once he hit about one month things started to shift. I noticed that nursing became more difficult, his fussing increased (almost like he was in pain), he was spitting up exorcist style all over our house, and his weight started to slow down. We learned he had a tongue tie, which was clipped the following day. The procedure was very simple with minimal bleeding. For 7 days following the surgery we would slide our finger under his tongue and swipe right to left, 3 to 4 times a day, in order to prevent it from reattaching. His pediatrician thought once the tie was clipped his feeding, spit up, and weight gain would all improve.

She was right to an extent. His feeding slightly improved because he was able to hold the latch better, however, his spit up and screaming unfortunately did not improve. By the time we made it back to the US Jackson was 7 weeks old, steadily dropping in the growth charts and screaming about 75%+ of the day. Being a first-time, I thought things were normal. I knew exclusively breastfed babies could grow slower on the growth charts than formula fed babies and some babies experience colic or bad gas. I spoke to his pediatrician, she suggested to start monitoring the foods I consumed, for example, eliminating all gas inducing foods; broccoli, beans, cabbage, and chocolate. She also started him on 10mg of Nexium for 30 days.

After 2 weeks, we went back for a check-up. His mood had slightly improved and he had gained a couple of ounces. I took that as a win and we continued this for 2 more weeks. Unfortunately by January things started to get worse. At this point Jackson had dropped to the 2nd percentile on the growth chart. Following that check-up we brought Jackson to see a gastroenterologist.

Mid-January we met with a pediatric Gastroenterologist. Immediately, concerned about his weight that day he ordered exams for an upper GI x-ray with a Barium sulfate suspension and abdominal ultrasound, to rule out pyloric stenosis. The doctor also recommended that I begin exclusively pumping in order to add 2 tsp of oatmeal per ounce to the breastmilk. It was devastating to hear I would be losing something I loved so much, but his health was more important and I was still providing milk for him. At 3 months postpartum I started my exclusive pumping journey.

We soon found out that it was thankfully NOT pyloric stenosis, but that was one of the scariest and most confusing afternoons of my life. It turns out that he had a severe case of GERD.

Pumping was foreign to me at this point. To be honest I didn't really do any research prior because I was so confident that I would be nursing. I picked my pump based off of another friends recommendation, which turned out to be an amazing pump. I will definitely be sticking with my Spectra S1 for baby number 2. There was a HUGE learning curve switching to pumping and learning the best settings for my milk supply. No one really talks about how hard exclusively pumping is. Learning cycle changes, best cleaning practices, best times to pump, flange sizing, etc. It is draining both mentally and physically. This started to fracture my already fragile mental state, but with the love and support from my family I was able to continue.

Over time I have come to realize that pumping wasn’t as confusing as it seemed in the beginning. In fact, it has allowed me to build a large stock pile for times when I need to “pump and dump”, turn my milk into soap bars for Jackson's eczema, it allowed me to see exactly how much he was taking in and the oatmeal mix ended up being the best thing for Jackson. It's not for the faint of heart though. The mothers who exclusively pump for 12 months are true MVPs.

Like anything you do 24/7 you start to find a rhythm in your days and learn
which items are the must haves. I will dive deeper into my
favorite products in another post.

Fast forward several months and Jackson flourished! No more oatmeal mix, No Nexium and No extra doctor’s appointment stressing about weigh-ins.

I am currently looking back on my journey and writing this blog post with only one more month left of pumping. With tears filling my eyes I feel truly blessed and grateful that Jackson and I are able to complete our goal. Even with life “falling apart” around us, this was something that I could be in control of. Something tangible I could hold on to.

My hope…like all of my blog posts is to encourage and inspire other mothers out there. Remember you’ve got this, even when it doesn’t feel like.

Update: Officially done with my breastfeeding journey. My milk supply dried up with 2 weeks left in my one year goal. While weaning it started to drop FAST after dropping one of my pump sessions. While I could have fought for it, I chose to stop.

It was time.
I was tired.
I am ready.

Ending my journey slightly early was the right thing for me to do both mentally and physically and I am beyond proud of my journey.